Fresh Start

The last time I posted it was June 11th this year and the post, in fact the last three posts were all so far from how I view things today that I had to remove them. I wrote about why God wasn't real and how angry I was that I had lived a "lie" for my whole life believing he did exist. "You're just a nice idea." "A beautiful lie." Was my main points in these past blogs. I was so hurt, so disappointed and I had this passionate anger towards God and Christianity. I felt ripped off to say the least.
It is now November and looking back at my past posts, I am ashamed at myself for thinking God didn't exist. My creator, my saviour and the only one who understands me and loves me unconditionally, despite me being such an ass.
Many of you are angry and annoyed at my decision to be in a relationship with God again. You hate that I go to church, that I act differently and how I'm trying to stop drinking. Some of you have gone so far as to not associate with me anymore. But you know what, when I left God, my Christian friends didn't leave me, they didn't get angry at me or my decision. Sure they didn't approve of it, but they loved me just the same. More importantly, my God never stopped loving me. Even though I laughed at him and denied his existence.
Life is still hard and is a struggle to work through, just as it was before. But now I have hope... hope that some day I'll be happy and set free from my past. Finally I have a reason to live my life.
I'm sorry if you feel that I have let you down with my decision to follow Christ, it was never my intention to anger or disappoint any of you, but I found truth and I can't run away from what I know is true.