Only Lyrics Can Describe

I don't know if this is a time where there's "light at the end of the tunnel" or "just a bridge that I've got to burn." I know that I want there to be the brightest light shinning through this tunnel of despair. I just don't know how to get there. "It's like a pencil with erasers at both ends," each step of progress I make, seems to be rubbed out before I make my next step. "I don't believe in the smile that you leave, when you walk away and say goodbye." It just seems like your habitual nice ways. But could that just be me being over paranoid?
Metaphorically speaking, "I don't understand, your love is so cold, it's always me who reaches out for your hand." You seem to just conveniently "swallow me, then spit me out." It's like your a leech sucking the life from me." "And I know I let you have all the power," so I only have myself to blame for allowing you to be such an impact on me and "I know that your true to me, you're always there, you say you care..." but it really just feels like "you washed away the best of me and that you really don't care" and "now all that's left of me, is who I pretend to be."
I'm not blaming you, but "your profanities pulled me into insanity." I'm not the same since times with you, I do things I just don't want to do, things that were never me...but it's all because I love you. I couldn't ever handle the thought of getting left behind, so I do all that I hate, just to get by. If you knew how much thought, effort and time I put into you, maybe things would be different? I carefully analyse every action and word I speak and do, when I'm with or around you. I want to be the best I can for you. But I'm so far from that...so I triple my efforts and do more than most would do. Only because you are worth my time, my effort, my tears and everything.
If I could catch every tear I cried for you, there would be a sea of my tears.
"I used to be scared of letting someone in, but it gets so lonely being on my own, no one to talk to, no one to hold me, I'm not always strong...Ohh I need you here," because I'm nothing without you. So if things don't get better, I'll be on my way, I'll wear my coin necklace and be gone from here.
Maybe I'll see you in another time, in another place.
Though I'll be gone, I'll love you.
I'm sorry I let you down.